Episode 196: Redefining Belonging – Jessica’s Journey from Adoptee to Advocacy

Jessica Luciere: My parents had been married for, I think, about seven or eight years at the time, and got pregnant and my mother had gotten sick while she was pregnant, and this was back in the late 70s when, I guess, there weren’t probably as many preventative services around. So, it caused her to deliver early and then, unfortunately, their daughter only lived for about two weeks. She was always a conversation in our home at the time, and the experience was not always part of our conversation, but I always knew about Stephanie. I think you know them always wanting to continue and build a family and have a child.

It was tough to understand from a young person’s perspective, why I would walk into a room with my parents, and some people would look at me and try to figure us out a little bit more. I joined my family at three months. So, my parents are my parents. They are the people that I’ve known my whole life. And of course, I knew that I had been born somewhere else, they were always very open and honest with me about that, which I’m very thankful for. But as much as I knew that, I can’t say that it was ever on my mind when going into new spaces.

Jessica Luciere: We talk about the importance of having representation of your child’s racial background, their cultural background, integrated into the family before the child joins their family. It helps to make the family feel as though it’s not just, you know, parents adopting from this country that they may not have a connection with other than having their child from there.People who are adopted, and especially those of us transnational adoptees tend to kind of find a tie at some point in their lives to their birth culture, to their country, and usually it’s the language, it’s the food, that are those first steppingstones into reclamation of that piece of your identity. And so, if that’s kind of already embedded in what your family has put in front of you and has given you the opportunity for and themselves, then it’s a little bit less of this huge transition, this re-adoption of who you were. And also, finding community, finding other places where your child finds representation, having mirrors for them in their lives, and having that integrated in very purposefully.

When you are able to find community and find that you’re not the only one. There’s a lot of people out there that have had a lot of the same questions, that have gone through very similar things. When you’re able to talk about your experiences and how you feel, it’s empowering. You know, it’s an important space for growth.

Jessica Luciere: Every person’s story changes my own narrative. Everything that I know about adoption or everything that I know about my own experience changes when I talk to somebody else, and I hear what their experience was like. Regardless of how different our beginnings were, those stories are what keeps me doing this work. It keeps me thinking about how we can create more programming and create more spaces to uplift adopted people and their voices to make sure that we’re centering the adopted person.Dan Bulger: That person you’re going to adopt needs and deserves this connection, and you as their parent, are going to be their safe space. So, if you’re going in, dive in, soak up as much as you can, incorporate that culture, learn the tools you need to succeed, and when the time comes, practice openness.